much like bigfoot or santa claus or diet dr. pepper. (or talking m&m's?)

"All the world's a stage, all the men and women merely players."  - William Shakespeare. 

While I've never quite agreed with this quote, or more so, I guess I should say, I never wanted to believe this quote was true; there's a good chance that Shakespeare nailed it.  And for those of you who don't quite have a handle on what he means by stage, I think it could also be interpreted as "All the world's a game", of course keeping the rest the same.

I've never wanted to believe that life was just some play that was being put on or just some game that we're all participating in, but it seems more and more lately, I would subscribe to that school of thought.  I want to believe that everything that every person does is not some scripted action or calculated move.  And while I think Shakespeare, in his time, may not have thought about what he said in this sense; he merely saw the world to be much like his plays, but on a much grander scale; it definitely can be interpreted this way.  Or at least that's how I'm going to interpret it right now.

Everyone is just playing to get out on top.  They're all playing to come across with a win, whether it's the little things like getting the last word in an argument or being first in line for some super impressive new electronic gadget or the bigger things like "getting" the girl or getting the promotion over another person.  It turns ordinary people into players who are primarily trying to outflank others to get ahead and get a leg up in the proverbial game.

It can be very trying to live in a world like that.

I think the biggest win of all for anyone should be having a successful and happy life and being able to share that with others, be it your wife, husband, partner, children, parents, siblings or friends.  The only problem is that it seems like too many people lose sight of that concept.  It's tough to play a game or perform a play when the other players and cast members all seem to be set against each other.

I wish I could say that I was exempt from this game or this performance.  But I'm not.  I think about how I'd like to be; I'd like to get away from all and get to a different place or level, but that's tough when no one else follows suit.  Because like it or not, I still have to live in the world that everyone else is fighting to get ahead in.

I guess the best way to handle that is to find a distinct balance and reside there within it.  It's just hard to actually achieve that balance.

Yesterday was depressing; 2006 feels like such a long time ago ... What's it going to feel like in 10, 15, 30 years?  A lifetime?  I don't want to feel like that.  I don't want the memories to feel like they're fading with time; it scares me to think that they might be starting to despite my best efforts to keep them vivid in my mind.

Sometimes I just think to myself:  "I miss her, I really just miss her."  And it still causes a deep ache in my heart.

*Joan Bonaventure  9/13/06*

The report by the U.S. Special Investigator for Iraq Reconstruction offers a compelling look at continued laxness in how such funds are being spent in a country where people complain basic services like electricity and clean water are sharply lacking seven years after the U.S.-led invasion that toppled Saddam Hussein.

The audit found that shoddy record keeping by the Defense Department left the Pentagon unable to fully account for $8.7 billion it withdrew between 2004 and 2007 from a special fund set up by the U.N. Security Council. Of that amount, Pentagon "could not provide documentation to substantiate how it spent $2.6 billion."

The funds are separate from the $53 billion allocated by Congress for rebuilding Iraq."

Okay, so we can't account for 95% of 9.1 Billion dollars???  What the hell?  That's a ton of money.  Where is it even being spent if its not being spent on its designated use?  How is this not noticed?  It's not a small amount of money, at all!

And to top it off, we've allocated $53 billion for rebuilding Iraq, yet we have millions of people without jobs here in AMERICA.  I don't get it.  How do we have money allocated for that, yet we're struggling so bad here? 

I just don't get it.  And I know that there's more to it and that there's all kinds of political mumbo-jumbo to go along with it, so I'm not looking to make a political argument.  But I just don't know how the government can face its citizens during the drowning economy and still have allocated $53 BILLION to rebuilding a country on the other side of the world.  I'm not saying we shouldn't have a hand in rebuilding (though that's a whole other political argument in itself) but that much money would go a long way towards things here at home in the coming years.